A Primer on Driving in Bangkok

For most of you reading this blog, my advice is to never, ever, ever even think about trying to drive in Bangkok.

One night, I jumped into the car and headed into town to meet a girlfriend for dinner at Biscotti, the Italian restaurant at the Four Seasons Hotel, my favorite hotel in Bangkok. It took me an hour and 45 mins to cover a distance of just over 6 miles. No weather, no accidents - just random Bangkok traffic.

During that excruciating drive time, I listened to the all-traffic radio station (the intersection by the hotel is at a complete standstill?! Oh great.) and mentally composed this blog.

Now, I actually learned how to drive in Bangkok, many years ago. However, I am now used to driving in a more rules-based orderly system - as opposed to the free-for-all, completely opportunistic way people drive in Thailand. The usual Thai traits of kindness, politeness and consideration all fly right out the window once they get behind the wheel of a car.

So here are a few rules of the road:

1. Any open space on a road must be filled up - if the space is too small for a car, it will be filled by a whole mess of motorcycles or some enterprising tuk-tuk with a fantastic turning radius.
2. Lane markers have no reason for existence.
3. When turning left or right from a three lane road, feel free to overtake all the losers waiting for their turn, and turn from the center lane.
4. Never start up immediately when your light turns green. There will be at least 5 red light runners speeding through the intersection. Do not get in their way.
5. When trying to make a lane change, no one will let you in unless you force your way in. Assume they will not hit you since your car is nicer than theirs.
6. Do not apply Rule #5 in front of a bus. They will hit you and those bus drivers are all crazy anyway.
7. A typical bus driver will pick up and drop off passengers at a stop, then veer out to the fast lane in heavy traffic. And veer back into the curbside lane to stop at their next stop. This whole exercise will have allowed them to pass 2-3 cars, but have them cutting off countless others with their veering back and forth.
8. There are a million taxis in Bangkok, all cruising slowly in the curbside lane looking for fares. If they find one, they will stop. No matter where they are or how inconvenient for other drivers. The most popular taxi color is a bright, neon pink.
9. Many of the main overpasses in town have lanes that can go either direction, depending on whether it's the inbound or outbound commute time. There are big lights above these lanes - red X or green arrow. Do not assume that those lights are correct. Do not head into an open lane on an overpass ever. Always follow someone else. That way, they will be the ones in the head-on collision, not you.
10. Getting out of the way for an ambulance is optional.

And there you have it. Go to Bangkok and check it out if you don't believe me.

I was 45 mins late for dinner. Thankfully, my girlfriend was 35 mins late - so I was only net 10 mins late. By Thai standards, that's perfectly acceptable. It took me 20 mins to get home later that night.